Queen of Spades
Poetry Feature 19: Damaged
Hello all. Queen of Spades here. It's Day 19 of National Poetry Month. I present another poem from Private Pain: Amidst These Ashes. It's entitled "Damaged".
When one is in a toxic relationship, it can be difficult to get out. There are other factors that play a role with hesitation. It's very risky.
He loves hating me too much To let me love without him.
I hate me too much To see myself without him.
He loves controlling me too much To let me truly be me.
I love my life too much To see what would occur If I’d just be me.
He loves raping me too much To let anyone else Make love to me.
My body’s damaged way too much To even let anyone else Even hug me.
He loves reminding me too much That I am nothing without him.
And I’ve forgotten so very much Of what I was before him.
My soul hurts, But I can’t decide If it hurts more Than all the pain I’m hiding.
My heart breaks, But I can’t decide If it hurts more Than the jaw He “accidentally” cracked While we were riding.
Staying with him, enduring living death.
Fleeing from him, being stalked to my death.
In either case, A price I must pay.
I’m just …